Saturday, November 21, 2009

Why I hate Christmas

As a young child I loved it, how could I not? It was the only day of the year where I got given loads of presents and was allowed to eat pretty much whatever I wanted. I never concerned myself with the reason why. I was aware that it was about how some effeminate cult leader was born to a 'virgin' (If that's true, then technically didn't God rape her? Just asking...) mother with a group of voyeuristic shepherds and strangers from afar.

As I got older, the presents meant less and less and christmas became about not having to go to school for 2 weeks, with a few boring days I had to spend with family.

Now it's got to the stage where my family divide into two groups, those who are dead or those in my immediate family I see a lot of anyway. As me and my brothers are all adults now, presents tend to be useless little things, as anything we need we'd have already bought.

So now what is christmas for me now except just another day. The day has no 'spiritual' meaning for me and there isn't and in fact hasn't been a materialistic gain for a couple of years. So what now? Family? The same family I see most days thanks to my current situation, so without being too selfish and horrendously nasty to them, that doesn't make the day any different.

But what about christmas as a time of year to reflect on the previous year and look forward to the next year?

I've had a shit 2009 and the forecast for 2010 is worse.

Now i've established why christmas has nothing positive for me, i'll explain why my general apathy to most things has formed into a full on hatred.

It's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. It can't be avoided or escaped from. It's this full on festival of cheap plastic, unhealthy food and quite frankly, extravagent waste.

I know this sounds like i'm a moody twat who doesn't enjoy something so wants to ruin it for others. Not the case. I don't give a toss what other people do as long as it isn't shoved in my face, which it is, repeatedly and aggressively. The nauseating tv adverts, christmas songs, decorations, themed cups at Starbucks (see previous blog entry on that) and it goes on and on and on and on.....

Now onto another point, why does everyone have to like christmas? Why is it assumed that we all enjoy christmas? If anyone shows even the slightest dissent on this grand piece of conformity they are brushed off as 'scrooge' or they say 'Oh, bah humbug'... ha ha ha aren't we so fucking hilarious for referencing one of the dullest and most over quoted pieces of writing.

No. You have the imagination of a broken lamp that's had its plug removed and has a big tear on the actual shade.

I don't like christmas, get over it. Don't call me names or try and force me to join in, just leave me alone.

For years I was in denial about christmas, I used to think I thought it was alright. But luckily i've had my epiphany moment. I do hate christmas and I can't wait for January so it can go away until next year.

Also, before any of you point out that this will change when I have kids and I get to see them experience it and it'll fill my heart with the greatest bounty of joy, i'm going to stop you right there.

I don't plan on ever having kids, getting married or doing any of that family stuff. I'm better off left to my own devices and the rest of humanity is better of with me out the way.

And on that bombshell, have a jolly-olly time this christmas.